Alright, this time, Mac.

So the good people at Apple redeemed themselves one more time. Or one time. Within less than 24 hours after I reported the buckled battery via their phone service (6am - 6pm PST only), a new battery was delivered directly to me. Free of charge since I purchased Apple Care. And the sound issue was quickly fixed by resetting the PRAM, Lisa Apple walked me through. Alright then... this time...